I understand that what matters today is what she is like, not what occurred 5 or 6 years ago, but I can't help but think about her going out just to find other guys to sleep with, and that I am now going out with the girl who used to be the town biker (she once slept with a bloke just to find out if he had a large penis). It hurts me deeply and it's something I will never forgive her for. I have tried talking to her about it, but she just laughs it off as if it isn't even important.
The problem is that I don't know how to get over this feeling. I love her so much that I would do anything to make her happy, but every time she goes out with others I feel like throwing in the towel. Am I being stupid? Should I just give up and let her go?
Thanks for your answers.
James.
PS: I'm 18 years old.
No other guy she'd met had ever made her feel like she wanted to settle down for good. She settled down with me because I was able to enhance our love, respect, and attraction through time, rather than it dwindling away as it happens in most relationships.
The fact is that she wanted to settle down because I offered her the security of a relationship where she knew what to expect and her needs were being met.
She's not looking for a husband, she's looking for an understanding partner who can help her deal with her issues so we can work on them together. Someone who's willing to grow with her.
I think if you ask any woman why she wants to marry one man instead of another, she'll all say the same thing: because he makes her feel safe and secure. He shows her that he's there for her even when they can't be together, which is something no other guy has done before or since.
The truth is that some men do look for these qualities in a wife, but most don't. They just want someone who will put up with their faults while still loving them enough to leave their own party to be with them.
The reason so many women fall for this kind of person is because they know they can't find these qualities in anyone else.
This something else might be anything from money to comfort, a vehicle trip, a place to stay, her social reputation, and so on (for more information, see Hector's essay on the reasons women join partnerships). Her motivations might be anything. They could be practical or frivolous; strong or weak.
The main thing is that she wants it. Otherwise, she'd stop doing things that need to be done to keep them around.
For example, if a woman doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, she'll tell you about it. If she's still in one, then she won't say anything. She'll still do everything else related to the partnership except say "no" to her partner. This includes not only actions but also inactive behaviors like ignoring him, holding back on telling him how she really feels, and so on.
We all know people who seem to be in relationships for the sake of being in relationships. They might play the role of "girlfriend/boyfriend" because they think it's what you expect of them, but that's all it is: a role they're playing because they have to. There's no real affection between them and nobody gets hurt if they just go their separate ways.
There are two types of women's relationships. One type likes men, the other doesn't.
If you don't leave her first, your next, less secure girlfriend will. And she'll abandon you for another man. I could go into detail about why, but I won't. The foundation of my connection with her is passion, which will fade like smoke. You'll see her in a completely different light. Even in a passionless marriage, your wife stayed with you for years.
For the past nine years, I have been in a lovely relationship. During those years, I had three one-night stands (not proud), and on all three times, I was honest with my girlfriend about them, and we were able to get through them.
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